Last Reflection.

the BEST thing i did in 2004:

step onto Japan(Tokyo, Kyoto, Osaka, Nagoya) soil for the first time in my life (1st Apr - 8th Apr)

the WORST thing i did in 2004:

quit my new-found job (14th Apr - 5th May)
to carry out family obligation (6th May - Now)

greetings.. everybody!

WELCOME THE NEW YEAR!! HAPPY 2005!!
(in another 9Hr 2Min)

*popping champagne*

Wishing all of you a GREAT YEAR ahead.. =)

~ grinnis ~

RESOLUTION...

the unevitable?
the thing u create to break..

shd i or shd i not?
make it 10 or maybe just 5..

to quit drinking & gambling..?
to quit spicy & sour food(due to gastric)..?
to quit caffeine..?
u might as well take mi w YR2004..

blar..

bye bye fucked-up year..

so torn..

by the choices of life..

so haunted..

by the past..

till when?

the 1 day i stay in tis office.. i'll b drained n sucked of all my energy n will.. i'm finding it tiring to breath now.. in fact i've been struggling to breath since mid-may 2004.. y wasnt i at Phuket for the Christmas?

near miss?

The Straits Times, Dec 27, 2004
Prime News: Giant waves kills thousands in Asia

i was almost at Phuket, Thailand(instead of Genting, Malaysia) for the Christmas.. Except for 1 reason, the plane tix was sold out b4 i cld get them..

i called it written in one's Life Book - my life was nvr meant to b short.. blar..

i'm bac already..

caught in the bloody jam along the highway due to a few accidents.. seemed to b common during long wkend festive..

i only reach home abt 0230 tis morn.. now back to work.. reality setting in.. boss scolding.. blar..
----- ----- -----

anyhow my genting trip was quite fun.. n noe wat's the highlight? I GOT MY IC CHECKED AT THE CASINO.. muhahaha.. TWICE.. haha.. which means.. i look <21 !! !! *ear-to-ear-grin*

the 1st day - the security stared my IC photo, looked at mi.. giving those r-u-sure-tis-is-your-IC-look.. stared at my IC photo again.. squint his eyes n look at mi again.. before finally satisfied n letting mi in..

the 2nd day - the minute i walk pass the sensor gate, 2 security officers requested for my ic at the same time..

its still a mixed feeling.. sometimes u dunno if u shd b happy or sad abt such things.. i think i'll choose to b happy *grin*
tink 2 yrs ago i also got checked when i went for R(A) show.. hee..
----- ----- -----

tis is the 1st time i had a go at the tables..(thou i've been to casinos quite a number of times).. really sitting down beside those adults n..(rem i look <21 =P).. well throwing $ away.. din hav much luck.. won abit on the first day.. the rest was shit.. worst part is.. now i tink i like it =P.. argghh.. somebody save mi.. from all sins.. hee..

ME

"What does your birth month reveal about you?"

May
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children.Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

Luv It!

I'm Sorry

I Like You

Chill Out

haha. he's jus drama.. but i like it so much.. stolen too.. =P

been lazy

my jap advance class is due to start on 12/01/2005(wed) but i haven been revising.. sigh.. tot of improving by reading so i bought a Winnie-the-Pooh monogatari but haven got time to touch it..

badly want to read.. but cant get the time to sit down to do it..
everyday i'm jus transporting piglet's big movie monogatari in my bag, a borrowed da vinci code lying beside my bed waiting to be flipped before bedtime, bought the five people you meet in heaven at least a mth n half ago but purposely lend it away the day i bought it so that it seemed like i cant read coz i dun hav the book w mi, oh ya.. there's still a whole series of books by Jimmy Liao(Author of Turn Left Turn Right) lying in the corner of my room..

so much to do.. so little own time..
so much time.. so little utilise purposefully..

life.. blar..

leaving again..

i'm all packed n ready to go again.. ETD - 23/12/2004 @1300 and ETA - 26/12/2004 @2000.. well nothing fancy.. jus another m'sia trip.. for the christmas..

i dunno why i'm nvr excited in recent days.. i dun seemed to b as happy as i shd b whenever i leave for trip..

izzit the close interval? or the lack of aeroplane? or the company? or the location? or my lifestyle that doesnt make holidays much of a contrast? or izzit jus mi?

i'm jus low on drug..

how true..

"I exist for a Purpose...

Everyday i am finding that purpose..."

i jus like tis so much that i had to stole it from somebody's webby.. =P

i'm tired.

HE pisses mi again.. In 2mths 3 big unhappiness.. In the next 1mth 3 near-ends.. finally after the 1mth mark.. but every conversations seems like sweeping mines in vietnam.. realised i dun hav any F-word? badly wan to but no energy.. tired.. jus v tired n PISSED!

HIMITSU

feel that all my secrets r all out slowly.. blame it on myself.. leaving trails here n there.. n eventually it got picked up bit by bit..

not that i'm not careful.. but there's tis part of mi that wants ppl to noe.. but selection is not in my own hands..

blogging has also lost its power coz too many ppl is having access.. nope its been v accessible in the first plc.. RATHER.. IT IS knowing who have access to it makes you too coward to write..

wkend trip - Summarised!

i'm bac.. abit not enuff.. nvr enuff..

duration: 17/12/2004(1900) to 20/12/2004(0930)

cost: SGD220

activity:
DAY1 - 17/12/2004(fri)
1900 - bus trip up to KL

DAY2 - 18/12/2004(sat)
0100 - van rental ppl "fly aeroplane", but managed to get replacement
0200 - headed to youth hostel
0630 - new day
0800 - headed to activity plc
1000 - Whitewater Kayaking
1500 - Hotspring
1900 - toilet break & A&W snack
2300 - back to rm for beer & games

DAY3 - 19/12/2004(sun)
0730 - new day
0800 - rm checkout delayed
1200 - Go-Kart.. FUN!
1600 - RockClimbing scheduled
(gave it a miss due to time constrain)
1830 - back to youth hostel to wash up
(1 room n some common showers to 12 ppl)
2000 - last gd dina
2230 - train back to sg

DAY4 - 20/12/2004(mon)
0030 - played Big2 but no beer
0200 - need to sleep
0700 - new day
0750 - train scheduled to reach sg but not even at custom yet
0915 - finally at tanjong pagar train stn
1030 - darn! late gg back to office.. all the train's fault

n life goes on.. hee..

*sings* i'm leaving..

leaving a for wkend trip in abt 16hrs time.. no leave from work tomo.. its bloody 3am already.. n i'm still not in bed.. ahhh.. no no.. not due to excitement.. i'm still not packed.. so much things.. urgh.. i hate packing.. dunno where to start.. haven even decided wat bag to bring.. so how do i pack?!.. i need travelling clothes.. sleeping clothes.. river rafting clothes.. rock climbing clothes.. go karting clothes.. shopping clothes?.. i dunno wat else is in my itenery.. hee.. no mistake.. only a 2 day wkend trip.. how m i gonna pack so much things.. 30litre pack too small.. 60litre pack too big.. wait.. i need climbing equipment.. wet activity shoes.. slippers for comfort.. proper shoes for go kart.. need to pack.. need to pack.. need to pack.. .. ..

Sad but True

still happy with my new licence thingy.. but the total opposite for my old licence.. 2days back.. i tried driving for the *counting* probably the 5th time since i passed almost 7years ago.. the sad truth is i CANT.. if i dun get my vehicle soon.. the same thing will probably happen to my new licence.. =(

temptation = evil

sigh.. i succumb to temptation again yest..

a mug of beer staring in my face n the devil sitting opposite me throughout dina.. .. .. i hang on to my belief.. (errmm.. no strong belief actually.. lol) so.. concentrated on dina.. finished dina.. then i was thirsty.. N wasting isnt a good virtue.. there.. u noe wat happened.. =P

surprise.. surprise..

haha.. .. tot i had always been slack in studying.. have always noe that my bro can definitely beat mi in slacking terms..

but guess wat?! he jus rec'd a letter yest.. "GOOD PROGRESS AWARD - S$200 Cash Voucher.." *jaw dropped!* Mann!! y din i ever get it? think there wasnt such thing in my time.. but anyhow I'm proud of him!.. =)

i need to brag..

INTERMEDIATE JAP CLASS - 10DEC2004 RESULTS
well here's my score card..

Kanji : 50/50 (100%)
Listening : 32/50 (64%)
Dictation(Katagana) : 48/50 (96%)
Conversation: 41/50 (82%)
Composition : 43/50 (86%)
Grammer : 90/100 (90%)
-----------------------------
Total : 304/350 (86.86%)
Position : 78/418 (18.66percentile)

well to say the truth.. i dun feel a thing (jus glad i pass well..) till ppl start giving you comments like.. "wow! you did really well.."

anyway its jus a spoonfed kinda exam.. its like no way u can fail.. (ermm but then there's still 11 who did)

i jus dunno whether ppl really mean it when they say my result is good or they r jus saying "nice words".. u noe wat i mean?! n then u noe when u hear "nice words" you become "big-headed".. blar..

*bursting my big-head*.. it really izzit that great.. blar.. wait till u find out how spoonfed we are.. (ermm... i dun wanna tell.. hee.. coz i'll be ashamed to tell ppl my results if u do noe.. =P)

worst part: i still cant converse in JAP.. sigh..

disappearing act..

i did those disappearing act again.. its required once in a while (happening v often these days) to keep mi going in life.. however i'm suffering the consequences now..

but i do feel better.. it may b fr tt or my endless need of alcohol (i was jus told tt i've drank away some S$2k since SEP'04 till today) WOW! i cld actually drink myself POOR..*gulp* or was it the cleasing of my tear glens..

high in the mid afternoon

i'm feeling damn high now.. yup i had some drinks.. but it was yest nite.. n all i had was a tequilla pop.. ermm..*recalling* abit of yucky margarita.. a long island tea.. n.. *more recalling* a gin tonic.. with some calamari.. so no empty stomach.. wasnt even high yest.. damn waste of $.. next time i gotta GULP.. slow drinks r jus total waste of time n $!!

BUT NOW i'm groggy.. high.. n hyper.. fr my lunch kopi-peng (iced coffee).. also not in total control of my hands.. shivering like i'm lack of some drug.. boy.. caffeine! ok ok.. i'm quiting.. caffeine i mean.. not alcohol!

rekindled?

i'm finding the urge to blog again.. but it doesnt look too good for my own well-being.. no.. NOT GOOD..

tell mi wat is living.. i tink i m jus existing.. do u c mi??

JLPT

did my jlpt yest.. only level4 thou.. tot i cld score n then mayb get a free trip to jpn or something.. (rumoured).. but then i suck.. sigh nvm.. life is not all abt scoring isnt it?! haha.. to mi.. being able to speak fluently is more impt than scoring.. i'm working on it!

finally.. .. (is an understatement)

i finally got my licence like 10days bac.. YOO HOO!!! yup i'm so bloody happy coz its like my first ever hard-work-put-in-and-i-wan-it-so-much achievement of my life..

tis is the story of my path..
it took me fren motivation to take the plunge..
lonely travelling when fren decided to leave the dream..
agony when the law work against my age..
an initially "i'm the victim of age law" thought..
turn out to be a mistake due to weak English..
with that all the effort went down the drain.. to a point of no return..
more motivation from fren in the subsequent years..
but lost of guts..
9 years of dilemma before taking the plunge the 2nd time..
the beginning..
endless travelling n unavoidable peak rates..
attempts after attempts..
disappointment after disappointment..
draining morale to the point of giving up..
learning from the mistakes of fellow testees..
4 months of waiting time in total..
risk of new laws against my time again..

AND TA DA..!!! i m now a licence holder.. no longer a learner..

but then now wat.. i dunno wat to do w my licence.. hee but nvm.. i'm still in disbelief!